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Marriage

Weddings
- Congratulations on your engagement!
  
  The staff at St. Mary of the Hills is excited for the opportunity to assist you in your preparation for and the celebration of the Sacrament of Christian Marriage. We not only want you to have a beautiful wedding day, we want you to have a beautiful marriage!
  
  In your preparations through St. Mary of the Hills, you will receive some “tools for growth” in your relationship with each other, with God and with God’s people. In your journey with us toward your wedding day, we hope you will achieve a more complete understanding of the holy Sacrament of Matrimony.
  
  Since planning a wedding can also be one of the most stressful times of your life, we have prepared this booklet (to the right) to help guide you through the process. By answering common questions about getting married at our parish, this booklet sets forth guidelines that help insure a reverent and joyful celebration of marriage. Perhaps these guidelines may raise a few questions as well. Please do not hesitate to ask us.
- Wedding Guidelines
  
  SMOTH Wedding Guidelines
- Contact
  
  Daniela Garza
  
  Coordinator of Marriage Preparation
  
  (248) 853-5390
Preliminary Planning
- The very first step in the process of preparing for your marriage begins with carefully reading through these Marriage Preparation and Wedding Guidelines. After you have read the guidebook, contact the parish office at 248-853-5390 or email the Marriage Preparation Coordinator at marriageminister@smoth.org and request an appointment with Deacon Joe Karle. Deacon Joe will meet with engaged couples the first and third Monday evenings each month. During the pandemic, these meeting are conducted on the Zoom platform.
  
  According to Archdiocese of Detroit, at least a six-month preparation process, from the time you meet with the Deacon to your wedding date, is required for you to get married in the Catholic Church.
  
  In order to schedule a wedding at St. Mary of the Hills, at least one of the engaged couple must be a baptized and practicing Catholic. Each party must be free to marry according to Canon Law of the Catholic Church.
- This is a holy time in your life, please remember to PRAY. Attend mass on Sunday, go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation on a regular basis, read your bible and pray. There is no substitute for prayer. This will sustain you as you prepare for your wedding and all the days of your married life.
Wedding Schedule
- Wedding ceremonies are performed Friday afternoon or evening based on the availability of the church and the pastor.
  
  Saturday afternoon at or before 2:00 PM. St. Mary of the Hills has a mass on Saturday evening at 4:00pm - November through February - and 5:00pm March through October. A wedding must be concluded by at least 3:30 pm to allow for preparation of the evening mass and Reconciliation.
  
  Ceremonies can also be performed Sunday afternoon at 3:00 PM or after based on the availability of the church and the pastor.
- Marriage Prep and Wedding Ceremony
  
  Many engaged couples choose to conduct their marriage preparation and wedding ceremony at St. Mary of the Hills. This is the most common practice of engaged couples who get married at St. Mary of the Hills.
  
  Some couples prefer to conduct their marriage preparation at St. Mary of the Hills, but choose to have their wedding at another location, perhaps at a downtown Detroit parish, St. John or Cross In The Woods. We will be happy to walk with you through your marriage preparation process and then send your wedding file to the church where the ceremony will take place.
  
  Some couples , most commonly those who live out of state, conduct the marrige preparation process at their local church in the state in which they reside, but choose to have their wedding ceremony at St. Mary of the Hills. We would be happy to set the date and accept the marriage file that is sent from the local parish.
- Three Forms of Celebrating Matrimony
  
  Within Mass -This form of Matrimony is generally celebrated when the bride and groom are both Catholic.
  
  Without Mass (no Eucharist) - This form of Matrimony is generally celebrated when only the bride or the groom is Catholic, but both bride and groom are baptized. This form of celebrating Matrimony is still considered a valid sacrament within the Catholic Church.
  
  Between a Catholic and a Non-Christian
  
  This form of Matrimony is generally conducted when the bride or groom is Catholic and is celebrating Matrimony with a non-baptized candidate.
  
  Please refer to your Together for Life book or go online at www.togetherforlifeonline.com for more specific explanation of the forms of Celebrating Matrimony.
- Steps for Arranging a Wedding at St. Mary of the Hills
  
  Steps for Arranging a Wedding:
  
  Meet with Deacon Joe Karle to complete the Pre-marriage Form (A form) and to discuss interfaith marriages and dispensations, if needed. This meeting will last 30-60 minutes depending on the topics needed for discussion and completion of the Pre-marriage form. Also, the date and time of your wedding will be scheduled based on availability of the church and pastor. During the pandemic, these meetings will be conducted via Zoom.
  
  Within a short timeframe after meeting with the Deacon, you and your fiancé will both receive a link in your email to enroll in the Prepare-Enrich Marriage Assessment program. This is a prenuptial online assessment , which you will each take individually. The assessment will highlight areas of strength as a couple and also highlight “growth areas” that could potentially be issues of concern in the future. The cost of the assessment is $35 which will require a credit card to pay online.
  
  After completion of the assessment, you will be assigned to a Marriage Mentor Couple. These mentors are couples from St. Mary of the Hills who have gone through specialized training and will discuss the results of the assessment, both areas of strength and areas of growth. You will meet with your mentor couple 3-4 times during your preparation time and once after the wedding. Mentoring is an important part of your marriage preparation, as it provides valuable advice, personal support and encouragement and help in challenging times from an experienced faith based couple. During the pandemic, meeting with your mentor couple may occur via zoom or in person, depending on the preference of the engaged couple and the mentor couple.
  
  Engaged couples are required to participate in one Archdiocese of Detroit endorsed Marriage Preparation Seminar. The AOD website, www.aod.org will provide you with the listing of the Marriage Prep programs offered throughout the Archdiocese. During the pandemic, virtual seminars have been oferred at www.aod.org, www.themarriagegroup.com and Bright Beginnings (313-506-8716. IMPORTANT: A Copy of the Certificate of Completion is required for your wedding file prior to your wedding date.
  
  A copy of your baptism certificate, dated within 6 months of your marriage, must be submitted to the Marriage Preparation Coordinator for your wedding file. Please contact your parish of baptism and request a copy. Please do not make a copy of your original baptismal certificate, as this will not meet AOD requirements. Non-Catholics should submit a copy of their baptismal certificate from their church of baptism or provide a letter from the church with information regarding the date of the baptism.
  
  Within two months of your wedding, call or email Dan Grieg, Music Minister, at greig.dan@gmail.com to make arrangements for the music at your wedding ceremony. If you want to talk to Dan directly, after mass on Saturday or Sunday is a good time to approach him. See music guidelines below.
  
  Within two months of your wedding, your wedding rehearsal date and time will be scheduled with the Marriage Preparation Coordinator. contact the MThe Wedding Coordinator will guide you through the wedding rehearsal and will be there on your wedding day to ensure the wedding goes as planned.
  
  Together with your fiance, plan your wedding ceremony using the “Together For Life” book, which was sent to you after your initial meeting with Deacon Joe. Use the worksheet in the back of the book to choose your readings, prayers of the faithful and gospel reading. Plan to submit the worksheet when you meet with Fr. Stan prior to your wedding day. A good resource is www.togetherforlifeonline.com. If you have any questions about planning your wedding mass, feel free to contact the Marriage Preparation Coordinator at marriageminister@smoth.org.
  
  Within 2 weeks of your wedding, plan to meet with Fr Stan Ulman to finalize the ceremony and to give you a chance to “touch base” with him prior to the wedding day. The best time to meet with Fr. Stan is right after mass on Saturday or Sunday. The Marriage Preparation Coordinator will schedule this meeting for you.
  
  Bring two copies of the wedding license and the envelope to the St. Mary’s parish office (Attention Marriage Preparation Coordinator) no later than two weeks prior to the wedding. The wedding license will be typed and will be ready for signing immediately after your wedding ceremony.
  
  The wedding license can be obtained through the Oakland County clerk’s office at www.oakgov.com or in the clerks office where the bride or groom reside. There is a 3-day waiting period and the license is good for 30 days after it is issued. You will each need to bring a birth certificate and driver’s license when you apply or pick up your wedding license. During the pandemic, all wedding license requests are requested online.
- Fees and Donations
  
  We believe our parishioners are good stewards and generous with their support of the Church, therefore, there is no monetary charge for the celebration of the sacrament of Matrimony for our parishioners. However the following fees and donations will be incurred and envelopes are provided for your convenience.
  
  Fees associated with the Prepare/Enrich marriage assessment are ($35) payable online directly to them.
  
  Fees associated with the Marriage Preparation Seminar ($50-150) payable directly to them.
  
  3. Fees charged by our organist, cantor, or other musicians or vocalists and are payable directly to them.
  
  4 Non-parishioners using St. Mary of the Hills facility for their wedding will be charged a fee of $500. The check, made payable to St. Mary of the Hills, should be submitted with the marriage license two weeks prior to the wedding date. Envelopes are provided for your convenience.
  
  5. If parishioners care to make a donation to St. Mary of the Hills as a thanksgiving offering, we would ask that you consider 5% of your total wedding costs. Envelopes are provided for your convenience.
- Wedding Programs
  
  Wedding Programs:
  
  While it is not necessary, a program or worship aid will help your guests by providing musical refrains, prayers and reading responses and an outline of the order of the ceremony. A handout will be especially helpful for those in attendance who are not familiar with Catholic liturgy. For information about reprinting the scripture reading, visit www.usccb.org/bible/permissions or www.catholicweddinghelp.com.
- The Wedding Rehearsal
  
  The Wedding Rehearsal
  
  Each step of your wedding ceremony will be practiced at the wedding rehearsal with the Wedding Coordinator which typically last one hour. All those who have a part in your wedding ceremony should attend the rehearsal to become familiar with their roles. This includes readers, members of the wedding party, individuals bringing gifts and carrying cross to the altar, flower girl and the ring bearer, if applicable. Parents and grandparents attend as well.
  
  We ask everyone to arrive promptly. A smooth, well-ordered rehearsal makes for a less stressful wedding ceremony. Please be gracious to the Wedding Coordinator as this is her ministry to the Church. It is best that everyone pay attention, listen carefully and keep extraneous conversation for later. Remember, she is there to assist you in making your wedding day run smoothly.
- Music Guidelines
  
  Music Guidelines:
  
  Please email Dan Greig at greig.dan@gmail.com to schedule your appointment to discuss music arrangements or stop by and see Dan after the Saturday or Sunday masses.
  
  Suggested Music Selections for the Ceremony
  
  Processional / Recessional (Choose Three)
  
  Canon in D Trumpet Voluntary
  
  Jesu Man's Desiring Trumpet Tune
  
  The Wedding Song The Wedding March (Recessional)
  
  Be Thou My Vision
  
  Responsorial Psalm (Choose One)
  
  Psalm 33: God is Love
  
  Psalm 103: Loving & Forgiving
  
  Psalm 128: Blest are Those Who Love You
  
  Songs for the Offertory & Communion (Choose Two)
  
  Prayer of St. Francis One Bread, One Body
  
  Let Us Be Bread When Love is Found
  
  Taste & See No Greater Love
  
  We Have Been Told Covenant Hymn
  
  We Come to Your Feast I Have Loved You
  
  Panis Angelicus The Greatest Gift
  
  Not for Tongues of Heaven's Angels
  
  Like a Seal on Your Heart
  
  Songs to bring flowers to Mary our Blessed Mother
  
  Hail Mary: Gentle Woman
  
  Ave Maria
- Flower Guidelines
  
  Flower Guidelines:
  
  We are very generous in accommodating most flower requests. There are just a couple things to keep in mind when planning for your flowers. Keep in mind the nature of the liturgical season in which your wedding ceremony will be held. For instance, during the weeks after Christmas and Easter, the church may already be decorated with Christmas Trees, poinsettias or Easter lilies and you will not need additional flowers.
  
  Two large floral arrangements look beautiful on the two stone pedestals on either side of the altar. We would appreciate if the two floral arrangements on the stone pedestals remain in the church as a donation to be used for the weekend masses. Since the bride and groom will be standing up on the altar, we ask that you not plan for flowers on or in front of the altar.
  
  Flowers for the Blessed Mary may be offered after communion by the bride and groom. A small bouquet or a single flower would be lovely.
  
  Unity candles may be incorporated into the ceremony. The unity candle, provided by the bride and groom, will be placed on a small table on the right side of the church, next to the baptismal font. At your wedding rehearsal, the Wedding Coordinator will give you the details for the process of lighting the unity candle during the ceremony.
  
  If pew bows are desired, we have white and off-white bows which are placed every other pew. Please let the Wedding Coordinator know during your wedding rehearsal. If you prefer to bring your own, there are a total number of pews 22 and the bows must be secured with pew clips only.
  
  For everyone’s safety, aisle runners are not permitted.
- Photography and Videography Guidelines
- Photography and Videography Guidelines
  
  To maintain a prayerful atmosphere during the Sacrament of Marriage, we provide the following guidelines:
  
  Photographs are generally allowed before, during and after the ceremony. Due to the Saturday evening mass schedule, pictures after the ceremony may be under time constraints.
  
  Flash photography is permitted during the entrance processional and recessional only. Please no flash photography once the ceremony has started.
  
  During the ceremony, the photographer should be as discreet as possible and should never step up on the altar during the ceremony. Photographers should be respectful of the space; appropriate attire is expected.
  
  Pre-ceremony photographs may be taken. The church and grounds will be available one hour prior to the start of the ceremony.
  
  Post-ceremony pictures may be taken but must be limited to 30 minutes after the ceremony on a Saturday afternoon in consideration for the Reconciliation and Mass.
  
  The Videographer may use the same guidelines as stated above.
- Participation of Family and Friends in the Wedding Ceremony
  
  Participation of Family and Friends in the Wedding Liturgy
  
  Couples are encouraged to invite family members or friends to serve as Readers for the first reading, second reading and for the Prayers of the Faithful. Attempt to choose family or friends who are experienced public speakers and who are comfortable with reverent speaking in front of an audience. The readers should attend the wedding rehearsal.
  
  There is also an opportunity to choose 2-4 people to bring up the offertory gifts (bread and wine) at the Preparation of the Altar and a person to carry the Cross during the entrance processional . You could also choose one person to perfom multiple roles. These participants should also attend the wedding rehearsal.
  
  Alter servers are provided by the church. During the pandemic, altar servers are not being used.
- Dressing Rooms
  
  Dressing Rooms
  
  The bride and her party will use the St. Joseph room where there is a rest room and a full length mirror. The bride can choose to get dressed at home or at the church, depending on the weather and what’s best for the bride. The groom and groomsmen are welcome to gather in the East Overflow Room and should definitely come to church dressed in their attire.
- Bridal Procession
  
  Liturgical Procession
  
  This details of the wedding ceremony will be determined by the bride and groom who will mark their preference in the Together for Life Worksheet. You may also obtain the worksheet at www.togetherforlifeonline.org The Wedding Coordinator will go over the details during the rehearsal.
- The Wedding Day
  
  The Wedding Day
  
  You should plan on arriving at the church at least 45 minutes before the ceremony. Give yourself time to relax at the church, and in fairness to others, start the wedding on time.
  
  The time before the wedding is a good time to set a positive tone for your wedding. It is a good idea to make sure people are warmly greeted at the main doors of the church when they arrive, preferable by the family of the bride and groom. This is probably the most effective thing you can do to make people feel welcome, thank them for joining in your wedding, and encourage their participation in the ceremony. This also allows you to introduce friends and relatives before the liturgy, rather than waiting until the reception.
  
  The ushers should seat guests close together and toward the front of the church. The aim is to encourage people to interact and form a cohesive assembly so there would be no reason to have a groom’s side and a bride’s side in the church.
  
  After the wedding, please do not use rice, birdseed, confetti or flower petals due to safety concerns and the amount of time for clean-up. A suggested alternative could be bubbles, balloons, or bells. Please inform your guests of this policy.
  
  Due to the amount of time it takes for your guests to get through a receiving line, please reserve this activity for the reception.
  
  During the pandemic, where masks and socially distancing are required, ushers should be provided to seat the guests immediately so that there is no “gathering” in the narthex or lobby. Guests should immediately exit the church after the ceremony so that socially distancing can be maintained.
  
  Masks are to be worn by all guests and the attendants throughout the ceremony. The bride and groom do not need to wear masks. We encourage outdoor photographs when possible.
- Marriage Preparation Checklist
  
  _________ Pray for guidance and direction
  
  __________ Meet with Deacon Joe to start the Pre-marriage form and to schedule a wedding date
  
  __________ Complete the Prepare-Enrich online Assessment
  
  __________ Meet with Mentor Couple 3-4 meetings to review results of Prepare/Enrich Assessment
  
  __________ Submit the Evaluation of Mentoring Experience form to the Marriage Preparation Coordinator
  
  __________ Attend one Archdiocese of Detroit sponsored Marriage Prep Seminar
  
  __________ Submit Certificate of Attendance of Marriage Seminar to the Marriage Preparation Coordinator
  
  __________ Contact Dan Grieg, Music Minister, to plan music at ceremony within 2 months of wedding: greig.dan@gmail.com or after masses
  
  __________ Set up wedding rehearsal date and time within 2 months of wedding with the Marriage Preparation Coordinator
  
  __________ Plan wedding mass using book and worksheet in” Together For Life” book
  
  __________ Designate family members and/or friends to be part of the liturgy
  
  __________ Submit copy of baptism certificate dated within 6 months of wedding
  
  __________ Prepare your wedding program, if desired
  
  __________ Meet with Fr. Stan to discuss details of the mass within 2 weeks of wedding
  
  __________ Submit 3 copies of license/envelope to the attention of the Marriage Preparation Coordinator 2 weeks before wedding
  
  __________ Register in your new parish home @ www.smoth.org
- Suggested Activities After Your Wedding
  
  Register at the parish church where you will grow in your faith together. We hope you will choose St. Mary of the Hills.
  
  Talk to your insurance agent and banker to make appropriate name changes on all insurance policies and securities.
  
  Advise employers of your change of marital status and check to make sure the two of you have full medical benefits.
  
  Apply for a corrected Social Security number in the bride’s new name, if necessary.
  
  Notify your voters registration office of any name changes.
  
  Write or rewrite necessary wills and designate joint ownership of property.
  
  Store records such as the marriage license and birth certificates in a safety deposit box.
  
  Change names on all appropriate financials accounts.
  
  Make a list of all credit cards with account numbers and contact numbers in case the cards are lost or stolen. Make appropriate name changes on drivers license and vehicle registration forms.