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St. Mary of the Hills Catholic Church
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  • Welcome
  • Home
  • Worship
      • Mass Times
      • Mass Livestream
      • Music Ministry
  • Sacraments
  • Education
      • Young Adults
  • Preschool
  • Christian Service
      • Programs
      • Resources
      • Prayers
      • Laudato Si'
  • About Us
      • Parish Staff
      • Stay In Touch
      • Our History
      • Favorite Links & Resources
      • Parish Calendar
      • FAQ
      • Volunteer
      • Giving
      • Prayer Request
  • Join Our Parish
  • Marriage
    Marriage
    “Let us love, since that is what our hearts were made for.”
    -Saint Therese of Lisieux
  • Weddings

    • Congratulations on your engagement! 

      The staff at St. Mary of the Hills is excited for the opportunity to assist you in your preparation for and the celebration of the Sacrament of Christian Marriage. We not only want you to have a beautiful wedding day, we want you to have a beautiful marriage!

      In your preparations through St. Mary of the Hills, you will receive some “tools for growth” in your relationship with each other, with God and with God’s people. In your journey with us toward your wedding day, we hope you will achieve a more complete understanding of the holy Sacrament of Matrimony.

      Since planning a wedding can also be one of the most stressful times of your life, we have prepared this booklet (to the right) to help guide you through the process. By answering common questions about getting married at our parish, this booklet sets forth guidelines that help insure a reverent and joyful celebration of marriage. Perhaps these guidelines may raise a few questions as well. Please do not hesitate to ask us.
    • Contact

      • Daniela Garza
        Coordinator of Marriage Preparation
        (248) 853-5390
    • Wedding Guidelines

      • SMOTH Wedding Guidelines (for easy printing)
    • Additional Resources

      • Retrouvaille ("a lifeline for married couples")
  • Events To Strengthen Your Relationship

    • Servant Love - Winter Marriage Retreat
      Thursday, February 16
      Servant Love - Winter Marriage Retreat
      The Greater Rochester Area Family of Parishes invites you to join us this February for a marriage retreat led by Fr. Grayson. You will have the unique opportunity to stay on Mackinac Island in the winter, which very few people get to experience. Click through for more information and to register.
      Read More
    • World Marriage Day - Couples Retreat
      Sunday, February 19, 2:30 PM - 6:30 PM
      World Marriage Day - Couples Retreat
      Are you looking for the perfect Valentine’s Day gift idea? Why not consider an afternoon and evening that consists of dinner, speakers and dancing? World Marriage Day is a special celebration for you and your special Valentine at the San Marino Club in Troy!
      Read More
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  • Preliminary Planning

    • The very first step in the process of preparing for your marriage begins with carefully reading through these Marriage Preparation and Wedding Guidelines.  After you have read the guidebook, contact the parish office at 248-853-5390 or email the Marriage Preparation Coordinator at [email protected]  and request an appointment with Deacon Joe Karle.  Deacon Joe will meet with engaged couples the first and third Monday evenings each month.

      According to Archdiocese of Detroit,  at least a six-month preparation process, from the time you meet with the Deacon to your wedding date,  is required for you to get married in the Catholic Church.

      In order to schedule a wedding at St. Mary of the Hills, at least one of the engaged couple must be a baptized and practicing Catholic.  Each party must be free to marry according to Canon Law of the Catholic Church.

    • This is a holy time in your life, please remember to PRAY. Attend mass on Sunday, go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation on a regular basis, read your bible and pray. There is no substitute for prayer. This will sustain you as you prepare for your wedding and all the days of your married life.

  • Wedding Schedule

    • Wedding ceremonies are performed Friday afternoon or evening  based on the availability of the church and the pastor.

      Saturday afternoon at or before 2:00 PM. St. Mary of the Hills has a mass on Saturday evening at 4:00pm - November through February - and 5:00pm March through October. A wedding must be concluded by at least 3:30 pm to allow for preparation of the evening mass  and Reconciliation.

      We do not offer Sunday weddings. 

      • Marriage Prep and Wedding Ceremony

        Many engaged couples choose to conduct their marriage preparation and wedding ceremony at St. Mary of the Hills.  This is the most common practice of engaged couples who get married at St. Mary of the Hills.

        Some couples prefer to conduct their marriage preparation at St. Mary of the Hills, but choose to have their wedding at another location, perhaps at a downtown Detroit parish, St. John or Cross In The Woods. We will be happy to walk with you through your marriage preparation  process and then send your wedding file to the church where the ceremony will take place.

        Some couples , most commonly those who live out of state, conduct the marrige preparation process at their local church in the state in which they reside, but choose to have their wedding ceremony at St. Mary of the Hills.  We would be happy to set the date and accept the marriage file that is sent from the local parish.

      • Three Forms of Celebrating Matrimony

        Within Mass -This form of Matrimony is generally celebrated when the bride and groom are both Catholic.

        Without Mass (no Eucharist) - This form of Matrimony is generally celebrated when only the bride or the groom is Catholic, but both bride and groom are baptized.  This form of celebrating Matrimony is still considered a valid sacrament within the Catholic Church.

        Between a Catholic and a Non-Christian

        This form of Matrimony is generally conducted when the bride or groom is Catholic and is celebrating Matrimony with a non-baptized candidate.

        Please refer to your Together for Life book or go online at www.togetherforlifeonline.com for more specific explanation of the forms of Celebrating Matrimony.

      • Steps for Arranging a Wedding at St. Mary of the Hills

        Steps for Arranging a Wedding:

        1. Meet with Deacon Joe Karle to complete the Pre-marriage  Form (A form) and to discuss interfaith marriages and dispensations, if needed. This meeting will last 30-60 minutes depending on the topics needed for discussion and completion of the Pre-marriage form.  Also, the date and time of your wedding will be scheduled based on availability of the church and pastor.  
        2. Within a short timeframe after meeting with the Deacon, you and your fiancé will both receive a link in your email to enroll in the Prepare-Enrich Marriage Assessment program.  This is a prenuptial online assessment , which you will each take individually. The assessment  will highlight  areas of strength as a couple and also highlight “growth areas” that could potentially be  issues of concern in the future.  The cost of the assessment is $35 which will require a credit card to pay online.
        3. After completion of the assessment, you will be assigned to a Marriage Mentor Couple.  These mentors are couples from St. Mary of the Hills who have gone through specialized training and will  discuss the results of the assessment, both areas of strength and areas of growth.  You will meet with your mentor couple 3-4 times during your preparation time and  once after the wedding.  Mentoring is an important part of your marriage preparation, as it provides valuable advice, personal support and encouragement and help in challenging times from an experienced faith based couple. During the pandemic, meeting with your mentor couple may occur via zoom or in person, depending on the preference of the engaged couple and the mentor couple.
        4. Engaged couples are required to participate in one Archdiocese of Detroit endorsed Marriage Preparation Seminar.  The AOD website, www.aod.org will provide you with the listing of  the Marriage Prep programs offered throughout the Archdiocese.  You may also check virtual seminars oferred at www.themarriagegroup.com and Bright Beginnings (313-506-87160).  IMPORTANT:  A Copy of the Certificate of Completion is required for your wedding file prior to your wedding date.
        5. A copy of your baptism certificate, dated within 6 months of your marriage, must be submitted to the Marriage Preparation Coordinator  for your wedding file. Please contact your parish of baptism and request a copy.  Please do not make a copy of your original baptismal certificate, as this will not meet AOD requirements. Non-Catholics should submit a copy of their baptismal certificate from their church of baptism or provide a letter from the church with information regarding the date of the baptism.
        6. Within two months of your wedding, call or email Dan Grieg, Music Minister, at da[email protected]   to make arrangements for the music at your wedding ceremony.  If you want to talk to Dan directly, after mass on Saturday or Sunday is a good time to approach him. See music guidelines below.
        7. Within two months of your wedding, your wedding rehearsal date and time will be scheduled with the Marriage Preparation Coordinator.  The Wedding Coordinator  will guide you through the wedding rehearsal and will be there on your wedding day to ensure the wedding goes as planned.
        8. Together with your fiance, plan your wedding ceremony using the “Together For Life” book, which was sent to you after your initial meeting with Deacon Joe.  Use the worksheet in the back of the book to choose your readings, prayers of the faithful and gospel reading. Plan to submit the worksheet when you meet with Fr. Stan prior to your wedding day.  A good resource is www.togetherforlifeonline.com. If you have any questions about planning your wedding mass, feel free to contact the Marriage Preparation Coordinator at [email protected].
        9. Within 2 weeks of your wedding, plan to meet with Fr Stan Ulman to finalize the ceremony and to give you a chance to “touch base” with him prior to the wedding day.  The best time to meet with Fr. Stan is right after mass on Saturday or Sunday.  The Marriage Preparation Coordinator will schedule this meeting for you.
        10. Bring two copies of the wedding license and the envelope  to the St. Mary’s parish office (Attention Marriage Preparation Coordinator) no later than two weeks prior to the wedding.  The wedding license will be typed and will be ready for signing immediately after your wedding ceremony.

        The wedding license can be obtained through the Oakland County clerk’s office at www.oakgov.com or in the clerks office where the bride or groom reside.   There is a 3-day waiting period and the license is good for 30 days after it is issued.  You will each need to bring a birth certificate and driver’s license when you apply or pick up your wedding license.  

    • Fees & Donations

      • We believe our parishioners are good stewards and generous with their support of the Church, therefore, there is no monetary charge for the celebration of the sacrament of Matrimony for our parishioners.  However the following fees and donations will be incurred and envelopes are provided for your convenience.

        1. Fees associated with the Prepare/Enrich marriage assessment are ($35) payable online directly to them.
        2. Fees associated with the Marriage Preparation Seminar ($50-150) payable directly to them.
        3. Fees charged by our organist, cantor, or other musicians or vocalists and are payable directly to them.
        4. Non-parishioners using St. Mary of the Hills facility  for their wedding will be charged a fee of $500. The check, made payable to St. Mary of the Hills, should be submitted with the marriage license two weeks prior to the wedding date. Envelopes are provided for your convenience.
        5. If parishioners care to make a donation to St. Mary of the Hills as a thanksgiving offering, we would ask that you consider 5% of your total wedding costs.  Envelopes are provided for your convenience.
    • Wedding Programs

      • Wedding Programs:

        While it is not necessary, a program or worship aid will help your guests by providing musical refrains, prayers and reading responses and an outline of the order of the ceremony.  A handout will be especially helpful for those in attendance who are not familiar with Catholic liturgy. For information about reprinting the scripture reading, visit www.usccb.org/bible/permissions or www.catholicweddinghelp.com.

    • The Wedding Rehearsal

      • The Wedding Rehearsal

        Each step of your wedding ceremony will be practiced at the wedding rehearsal with the Wedding Coordinator which typically last one hour.  All those who have a part in your wedding ceremony should attend the rehearsal to become familiar with their roles.  This includes readers, members of the wedding party, individuals bringing gifts and carrying cross to the altar, flower girl and the ring bearer, if applicable.  Parents and grandparents attend as well.

        We ask everyone to arrive promptly.  A smooth, well-ordered rehearsal makes for a less stressful wedding ceremony. Please be gracious to the Wedding Coordinator as this is her ministry to the Church. It is best that everyone pay attention, listen carefully and keep extraneous conversation for later.  Remember, she is there to assist you in making your wedding day run smoothly.

      • Music Guidelines

        • Music Guidelines:

          Please email Dan Greig at d[email protected] to schedule your appointment to discuss music arrangements or stop by and see Dan after the Saturday or Sunday masses.

          Suggested Music Selections for the Ceremony

          Processional / Recessional (Choose Three)

          Canon in D Trumpet Voluntary

          Jesu Man's Desiring Trumpet Tune

          The Wedding Song The Wedding March (Recessional)

          Be Thou My Vision

          Responsorial Psalm (Choose One)

          Psalm 33: God is Love

          Psalm 103: Loving & Forgiving

          Psalm 128: Blest are Those Who Love You

          Songs for the Offertory & Communion (Choose Two)

          Prayer of St. Francis One Bread, One Body

          Let Us Be Bread When Love is Found

          Taste & See No Greater Love

          We Have Been Told Covenant Hymn

          We Come to Your Feast I Have Loved You

          Panis Angelicus The Greatest Gift

          Not for Tongues of Heaven's Angels

          Like a Seal on Your Heart

          Songs to bring flowers to Mary our Blessed Mother

          Hail Mary: Gentle Woman

          Ave Maria

      • Flower Guidelines

        • Flower Guidelines:

          We are very generous in accommodating most flower requests.  There are just a couple things to keep in mind when planning for your flowers.  Keep in mind the nature of the liturgical season in which your wedding ceremony will be held.  For instance, during the weeks after Christmas and Easter, the church may already be decorated with Christmas Trees, poinsettias or Easter lilies and you will not need  additional flowers.    

          Two large floral arrangements look beautiful on the two stone pedestals on either side of the altar.  We would appreciate if the two floral arrangements on the stone pedestals remain in the church as a donation to be used for the weekend masses. Since the bride and groom will be standing up on the altar, we ask that you not plan for flowers on or in front of the altar.

          Flowers for the Blessed Mary may be offered after communion by the bride and groom.  A small bouquet or a single flower would be lovely.

          Unity candles may be incorporated into the ceremony.  The unity candle, provided by the bride and groom, will be placed on a small table on the right side of the church, next to the baptismal font.  At your wedding rehearsal, the Wedding Coordinator will give you the details for the process of lighting the unity candle during the ceremony.

          If pew bows are desired, we have white and off-white bows which are placed every other pew.  Please let the Wedding Coordinator know during your wedding rehearsal.  If you prefer to bring your own, there are a total number of pews 22 and the bows must be secured with pew clips only.

          For everyone’s safety, aisle runners are not permitted.

      • Photography & Videography Guidelines

        • Photography and Videography Guidelines

          To maintain a prayerful atmosphere during the Sacrament of Marriage, we provide the following guidelines:

          Photographs are generally allowed before, during and after the ceremony.   Due to the Saturday evening mass schedule, pictures after the ceremony may be under time constraints.

          Flash photography is permitted during the entrance processional and recessional only. Please no flash photography once the ceremony has started.

          During the ceremony, the photographer should be as discreet as possible and should never step up on the altar during the ceremony.  Photographers should be respectful of the space; appropriate attire is expected.

          Pre-ceremony photographs may be taken.  The church and grounds will be available one hour prior to the start of the ceremony.

          Post-ceremony pictures may be taken but must be limited to 30 minutes after the ceremony on a Saturday afternoon in consideration for the Reconciliation and Mass.

          The Videographer may use the same guidelines as stated above.

        • Participation of Family and Friends in the Wedding Ceremony

          Participation of Family and Friends in the Wedding Liturgy

          Couples are encouraged to invite family members or friends to serve as Readers for the first reading, second reading and for the Prayers of the Faithful.   Attempt to choose family or friends who are experienced public speakers and who are comfortable with reverent speaking in front of an audience. The readers should attend the wedding rehearsal.

          There is also an opportunity to choose 2-4 people to bring up the offertory gifts (bread and wine) at the Preparation of the Altar and a person to carry the Cross during the entrance processional .  You could also choose one person to perfom multiple roles.   These participants should also attend the wedding rehearsal.

          Alter servers are provided by the church.

          • Dressing Rooms

            Dressing Rooms

            The bride and her party will use the St. Joseph room where there is a rest room and a full length mirror. The bride can choose to get dressed at home or at the church, depending on the weather and what’s best for the bride. The groom and groomsmen are welcome to gather in the East Overflow Room and should definitely come to church dressed in their attire.

            • Bridal Procession 

              Liturgical Procession

              This details of the wedding ceremony will be determined by the bride and groom who will mark their preference in the Together for Life Worksheet. You may also obtain the worksheet at www.togetherforlifeonline.org  The Wedding Coordinator will go over the details during the rehearsal.

              • The Wedding Day

                The Wedding Day

                You should plan on arriving at the church at least 45 minutes before the ceremony.  Give yourself time to relax at the church, and in fairness to others, start the wedding on time.

                The time before the wedding is a good time to set a positive tone for your wedding.  It is a good idea to make sure people are warmly greeted at the main doors of the church when they arrive, preferable by the family of the bride and groom.  This is probably the most effective thing you can do to make people feel welcome, thank them for joining in your wedding, and encourage their participation in the ceremony.  This also allows you to introduce friends and relatives before the liturgy, rather than waiting until the reception.

                The ushers should seat guests close together and toward the front of the church.  The aim is to encourage  people to interact and form a cohesive assembly so there would be no reason to have a groom’s side and a bride’s side in the church.

                After the wedding, please do not use rice, birdseed, confetti or flower petals due to safety concerns and the amount of time for clean-up.  A suggested alternative could be bubbles or bells.  Please inform your guests of this policy.

                Due to the amount of time it takes for your guests to get through a receiving line, please reserve this activity for the reception.         

              • Marriage Preparation Checklist

                _________ Pray for guidance and direction

                __________ Meet with Deacon Joe to start the Pre-marriage  form and to schedule a wedding date

                __________ Complete the Prepare-Enrich online Assessment

                __________ Meet with Mentor Couple 3-4 meetings to review results of Prepare/Enrich Assessment

                __________ Submit the Evaluation of Mentoring Experience form to the Marriage Preparation Coordinator

                __________ Attend one Archdiocese of Detroit sponsored Marriage Prep Seminar

                __________ Submit Certificate of Attendance of Marriage Seminar to the Marriage Preparation Coordinator

                __________ Contact Dan Grieg, Music Minister, to plan music at ceremony within 2 months of wedding:  [email protected] or after masses

                __________ Set up wedding rehearsal date and time within 2 months of wedding with the Marriage Preparation Coordinator

                __________ Plan wedding mass using book and worksheet in” Together For Life” book

                __________ Designate family members and/or friends to be part of the liturgy

                __________ Submit copy of baptism certificate dated within 6 months of wedding

                __________ Prepare your wedding program, if desired

                __________ Meet with Fr. Stan to discuss details of the mass within 2 weeks of wedding

                __________ Submit 3 copies of license/envelope to the attention of the Marriage Preparation Coordinator  2 weeks before wedding

                __________ Register in your new parish home @ www.smoth.org

                 

                • Suggested Activities After Your Wedding

                  • Register at the parish church where you will grow in your faith together.  We hope you will choose St. Mary of the Hills.
                  • Talk to your insurance agent and banker to make appropriate name changes on all insurance policies and securities.
                  • Advise employers of your change of marital status and check to make sure the two of you have full medical benefits.
                  • Apply for a corrected Social Security number in the bride’s new name, if necessary.
                  • Notify your voters registration office of any name changes.
                  • Write or rewrite necessary wills and designate joint ownership of property.
                  • Store records such as the marriage license and birth certificates in a safety deposit box.
                  • Change names on all appropriate financials accounts.
                  • Make a list of all credit cards with account numbers and contact numbers in case the cards are lost or stolen. Make appropriate name changes on drivers license and vehicle registration forms.
                • Welcome
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                Address

                St. Mary of the Hills
                2675 John R. Road
                Rochester Hills, MI 48307
                (248) 853-5390 – phone
                (248) 853-7989 - fax
                [email protected]

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